No wonder this movie got a 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
“Some films are completely made by their last scenes, and “Anora” is one of them.” They took the words right out of my mouth.
If you want to see a prime example of wealthy parents’ worst nightmare, watch this movie.
I don’t want to steal the film’s thunder, because words won’t do it justice for how captivating it was from start to finish. It was a beautiful mix of irresponsibility meets enablers, meets the quiet dysfunction that can follow second or third-generation wealth. The movie really starts about 42 minutes in—possibly the happiest day of her life—when Ani quits her job, two middle fingers in the air on the way out, waking up to a life of flying private to Vegas to spend the weekend with Vanya, her new billionaire husband, and his “friends.” The problems only get juicier from there.
The entire story is a great reminder that, whether you come from money or not, problems are problems.
So, if you’re a parent of little ones, this post is especially for you.
Why Worry About This At All?
When it comes to designing your family’s estate plan, don’t sacrifice good for perfect.
What I mean by that is this: the decisions you have to make—who will carry out your wishes, who receives what, and how they receive it; should your heirs receive funds outright or in trust? If in trust, should they have access at certain ages, or should the assets remain protected for life—are all mentally draining.
These are the kinds of questions that keep parents up at night, and one of the main reasons folks keep kicking the can down the road.
Part of the difficulty is that these decisions require you to predict and, to some degree, control the future. On the other hand, you could take a hands-off approach, “they’ll get what they get. Once I’m gone, what they do with it is up to them.”
Fair. I get that. Albeit, parents with that kind of mindset are often those whose children are already grown and (hopefully) wise enough to make sound decisions.
When your kids are still young, your estate plan becomes the stand-in for you. It’s how you continue to guide and provide for them when you’re no longer here.
But that raises the big question: how do you provide financial security and structure without killing their ambition or independence?
You don’t want to leave them unprepared. But you also don’t want to hand them a blank check.
So what do you do?
I’ve seen two effective strategies that strike the right balance.
Strategy One: A Letter of Intent
The first strategy is to include a letter of intent in the document itself.
The first time I saw it in practice, I had to take note. Here is an example of what I believe to be a beautifully written note from a grandma to her two grandchildren:
Dear (grandsons), we created this trust not only to support your future, but to protect it. It’s our hope that this gift serves as a launching pad, not a safety net. You may not always see it, but life brings risks. This trust shields you from some of them: lawsuits, toxic relationships, unwise financial decisions. The rules are here not to limit you, but to give you tools and boundaries to grow your future. You’ll receive guidance, support for your education, and rewards for major life achievements. But you’ll also be challenged to learn, to stay responsible, and to protect what’s been built for you. You’ll be asked to think critically before taking money out. That’s because every withdrawal is a choice, one that could carry long-term consequences. I trust you’ll grow into wise, thoughtful stewards of this gift. This is your legacy, and it comes with our love, trust and confidence in who you’ll become.
It’s short, real, and direct—something a beneficiary can actually feel.
This revocable trust is structured in a way that upon grandma’s passing, two irrevocable trusts are created for the boys, providing both protection and rewards at certain milestones (college graduation, marriage, first home assistance, and a few others). It goes on to request that any distributions over a certain amount, $50,000 in this case, be in writing for the trustee to determine its necessity.
A simple message like this is a bridge between the legal and the personal. It humanizes what can otherwise feel like a sterile, rule-filled document.
It also gives your heirs context: why the plan was built this way, what you hope for them, and how they can make the most of it.
Strategy Two: Your True Legacy
The second, and definitely more cumbersome, strategy is an ethical will.
An ethical will is a personal, not legally binding, document that passes down values, life lessons, and memories to loved ones. It has nothing to do with assets (yet).
Some call this your true legacy.
In the ultra-high-net-worth space, there’s a similar concept to this known as an Investment Policy Statement (IPS). An IPS’s purpose is to be able to be picked up by a remote descendant of yours, and they know exactly how the family’s wealth was created, the purposes of the various Trusts created, key players, and how it all works. Many families opt to include things like their family mission statement or a charter around giving back.
Because let’s be honest, legal estate planning documents aren’t very creative.
Yes, you help design who’s in charge, who gets what, and how they get it; however, the language is written in very specific legalese to be read and interpreted by any practicing attorney. It’s pretty cut and dry.
Your Ethical Will is the color to this black and white procedure.
It’s where you get to share why you made the decisions you made, and how you hope your children will carry them out.What would an ethical will say?
- What was your childhood like?
- What is something you learned the hard way?
- Your experience learning about work
- How did you obtain this wealth – how do you view “work” / ways to earn a living
- Your experience learning about money
- This could be something you learned yourself, your parents taught you, what being married has shown you.
- Your experience with making mistakes (about money, work, prioritization of family, etc.)
- First dumb thing you spent money on? Did you regret it? How did you determine it was unnecessary even if you wouldn’t have changed anything?
- What would you suggest they do to have a meaningful or fulfilling life?
- This is more philosophical – take money out of the picture – what actions make you feel complete? (ex. Helping people in a tough situation, teaching, coaching, researching a particular topic, building something with your hands, etc.)
- What would you suggest they do differently, earlier, or later than you did?
- What would you tell them to avoid?
- Why did you choose a particular person (or institution) as trustee/executor versus another?
If your family history is especially rich or layered, there are even services that can help you preserve it. Storyworth, for example, can turn those memories into a beautifully bound family book—something your children and grandchildren can literally hold in their hands.
God willing they’re still around, start by asking your own parents or grandparents questions about their lives. Learn their stories before writing your own. You might be surprised by what you find.
Leaving A Legacy, Not A Liability
At the end of the day, it usually comes down to one thing: not wanting to create a monster with wealth.
If I learned (at the very least, confirmed) anything from the movie Anora, it’s that money can act like a drug in the wrong hands. Letting the money make you, and not the other way around.
Spending money is the easy part. Spending it on the right things—things that preserve value and your family’s values—is the hard part.
I’ve talked before about how true Generational Wealth is created. Not just through the assets themselves, but paired with structure, protections, and avenues for guidance along the way. When managed correctly, this is how wealth can pass through multiple generations.
These strategies won’t be for everyone. But they’re worth considering if you want your estate plan to do more than just distribute money.
They’re for people who want their final gift to reflect more than just numbers on a screen.
Ask your financial advisor whether this is something you should be considering.
